Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:
1. When you are sad, I will help get you drunk and plot revenge against the pathetic twit who made you sad.
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you had sex.
4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use little words.
7. When you are sick, I will stay the heck away from you until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. Sheesh.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel!
P.S. Maybe these Saudis aren't my friends?
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